Sunday, May 27, 2007

Just Something A Little More Pleasant (Classic Rant)

There are times in my life I question my faith. Most people know this about me. One of the things I wonder about is if there is an afterlife. I want there to be of course but there are times I am not sure. One thing I do know for sure, is that I have seen ghosts, or at least I think I have…

There are four times in my life I had seen a person I knew after they had died. The first time was in 1990. His name’s Glen. He had died in a motorcycle accident. It was the first death to occur in our circle of friends and it hit my friends really hard. Me, I liked him and considered him a friend. I did not go to his funeral though. So, it came as a surprise when I went to the old Mays department store on 14th street a week later and saw Glen. It took a few seconds before I realized that it was impossible. At that moment, he disappeared, not into a crowd mind you but disappeared. Someone who was with me thought he saw him too, but I just attributed it to a hallucination.

Later that year I was walking down the street when I saw Guy, a childhood companion who I had seen the week before for the first time in many years. I said Hi! But he ignored me, which I thought was strange because he was happy to see me the week before. The next day my mom told me that Guy had died the day before I saw him in a car accident. Now, I knew Guy, I played with him but he wasn’t what I would call a friend, so I thought it was weird to see him, especially as a ghost.

Since that happened the same year I was thinking why I had not seen ghosts of people I was closer to, like my sister or some of my older aunts and uncles. I kept these sightings to myself because even to this day I think I might have only been seeing things.

I did not see anything for the next two years. It was not until I was walking down the street of Seattle when I saw Colin., who was a bartender at The Old Peculiar. He was young, sociable and unfortunately the object of a deep rooted jealous cauldron in my soul. He was funny and his ability to make my girlfriend at the time laugh made me a basket case. Nonetheless he was a good guy so it came as a shock when he too died in a motorcycle accident. I ran into Donna, (the girlfriend) and she was in tears when she told me he had died.

Again, I did not go to the funeral. A week later I saw him in the crowd of the very bar he tended. He was looking at a photo of himself that hung up on the wall. I went over there, forgetting he was dead to say hi, when I realized that he should not be there, it was a the very point I saw the photo that he disappeared. I had a lot of Guinness in me and Donna had broke up with me and was going out with another friend, so I attributed it to my seeing things but still…..

The last time I have seen a visage of a person I knew who died was in late 1998. Steve, I considered a good friend. He was a smart, gregarious, and likable guy despite the fact he was a Republican. We used to debate the merits of the taxpayers supporting the building of a football stadium for a guy who made more than the cost of it in a single day. He liked playing vigorous sports despite the fact he was built like John Goodman. Steve had a heart attack and we thanked God he was okay. He got back on his feet and he vowed to maintain a healthier lifestyle. Six months later he would have another heart attack he would not survive.

His death devastated me so much, more than I let on. I did go to his funeral but instead of feeling closer to those of us who knew him, I distanced myself from everyone especially his wife. I had seen his ghost and he had said something I did not understand. I could not face her. I wanted to say that he was fine and that he loved her, but I thought it would come across trite especially since I did not know what he said. Once again I wondered, why me? Why appear to me? I did not deserve it, I could not convey to his loved ones what he said.

I don’t know if what I saw was real but it did have an impact in my thinking. The only thing I can figure they had in common was that they died young. They died quick and I feel their spirit was restless and wanted to stick around as long as they could because their time on Earth was limited. I guess they come to me because my blasé nature tends to accept things. However the second I realize what I am seeing they are gone. Anyway I have not seen visions for years now, so I think I am in the clear. But it is Halloween and I wanted to get this off my chest.


No comments: